On Destiny's Wings
by MaiyaV
Summary: Sailor Cosmos recounts the terrible war that brought her into being, the friends she lost, and a love that precedes even the birth of Creation.


WARNING: BASED SOLELY ON THE MANGA.  IF YOU HAVE NOT READ TO 

THE END - AND I MEAN *THE **VERY** END* - DO NOT READ THIS.  YOU WILL 

NOT KNOW WHAT IS GOING ON, WHO SAILOR COSMOS IS, WHO CHAOS IS, 

WHAT THE CHAOS WARS ARE, ETC.  YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED.

*  * are for emphasis

'   ' are for mind voices or thoughts

Standard Disclaimers Apply.  More notes below.

On Destiny's Wings

            So long.  It all happened so long ago.  It's surprising, therefore, that the memories 

of that time were so clear.  I didn't change anything by going back.  I knew I wouldn't, 

deep down, I knew.  But I had to try.  I thought, 'Maybe this time it will be different.'  Of 

course, I was wrong.  I may not have changed the past, but I realize my being there was 

crucial to the future.  My future.  When the time comes for her, she will do the same.  The 

memories will be as bright for her as they were for me.  Every other recollection from 

that distant era is faded, misty with the passage of numerous millennia.  I can only 

surmise that the survival of those memories, whole and intact as they are, is another part 

of the destiny that rules my life.

            I go now to confront it, my destiny.  I know not the outcome.  But I am possessed 

of something I thought was lost to me too long ago for even its name to be recalled.  

Once again, I have hope.  For the future, for the past, and most importantly, for the 

present.  And not just hope.  

            Ahh.  I am getting ahead of myself.  Perhaps I should start where all has started 

before, since before Creation had a name and the first star lit the vast cauldron of space.  

At the beginning.

            Those were the peaceful times, when Crystal Millennium ruled a united Solar 

System, with thousands of years of peace behind and, we had thought, thousands of years 

of peace yet to come. 

            It started quietly.  Not so as none would notice, but not so serious as to force us to 

take action.  Cults sprang up on all the planets.  The leaders preached of the glory of 

Chaos.  That was the first sign we had that Sailor Chaos had returned.

            Sailor Chaos was the source of all our enemies that had come before.  Queen

Metallia, Death Phantom, Pharaoh 90, Neherenia, even Sailor Galaxia.  The Chaos seed 

is the Sailor Crystal of Sailor Chaos.  Each Senshi possesses a Sailor Crystal.  My crystal 

is called the Cosmos seed.  These are what Chaos had been after the first time.  If she had 

gathered all the Sailor Crystals in existence, she would have controlled the Universe.  Her 

tactics seemed to have changed since then, for she did not strike right away, nor did she 

seem to be after Sailor Crystals.  

            If we had moved immediately, the dreadful future that came to be might have 

been avoided.  We thought there was time to prepare, that the powers of Chaos were still 

weak, otherwise she would not be working through humans.  Little did we realize Chaos 

was stronger than ever.  It seemed Chaos' plan was to seek out all those who, in their 

heart of hearts, were truly evil.  These did Chaos imbue with powers to match and surpass 

those of the defenders of Crystal Millennium.  Not two months after the first chapter of 

the Chaos Cults appeared, we lost Neptune.  The Chaos Wars had begun.

            Allow me to stop and explain, for those not familiar with more recent history, the 

state of Crystal Millennium in its final days.

            The Universe had been at peace for millennia by now.  The Sailor Senshi, 

protectors of the royal family and the Solar System, were not needed for eons at a time.  

By this I mean hundreds of years, if not thousands.  We stopped counting time in single 

years by the time the 50th century rolled around.

            They had all retired to their respective planets to rule as the princesses that they 

truly were.  For, let us not forget, the Senshi *were*, in fact, each one of them born a 

princess.  In this era of peace, they were free to take on a duty that was just as important 

as defending the Solar System.  All welcomed the change.  If they could take over the 

rule of their planets personally, it must mean that they had done the job of the Senshi 

correctly, and won peace, if not for all time, then for long enough that all that they knew 

would be dust before evil troubled the Universe again.

            Planets and people matured and grew, changing for the better, even though with 

immortality came the threat of becoming stagnant and set in certain, unhealthy ways.  

Curiously, this never happened.  Not even on far distant Pluto, the most removed in time 

as well as space.  The influence of the royal family may have - no, definitely had 

something to do with that.

            Though their home was Earth, the King, Neo-Queen, and their daughter (who had 

grown into a beautiful young woman known by the name of Princess Lady Serenity) 

made frequent trips to the other planets.  The Senshi-turned-princesses ruled well, no 

doubt of that, but the Neo-Queen was responsible for all the Solar System, not just her 

own planet.  She took these duties seriously, and spent much of her time away from 

Earth, which she left in her husband's, or sometimes daughter's, capable hands.

            Even on the most removed planet, the light that was Neo-Queen Serenity shone 

brilliantly through the darkness.  It was she that kept the peace; she that quelled the urges 

for evil people felt in their secret hearts.  An action begun in anger and hate would end in 

friendship and apology at the mere thought of Neo-Queen Serenity.  She bequeathed to 

her people the strength of will to resist hates seductive call.

            How Chaos gained a hold on the Solar System is easy enough to guess.  Sailor 

Chaos is the natural balance to peace and order, of which Neo-Queen Serenity was the 

ultimate symbol.  For all that time of peace, Chaos was still present.  Chaos' star seed will 

always exist.  The order of the Universe depends upon an eternal balance.  There can be 

no Hope without Despair, no Heaven without Hell, no Light without Darkness.  While 

Light retains the upper hand, Darkness is plotting its return to power.  So did Chaos 

watch and wait and plan.  Though strong, there are cracks in even the most resilient 

armor, and Chaos found those cracks and exploited them.

            As Chaos was stronger than expected, so, too, were the Chaos Cults.  When they 

struck, it was hard, fast, and first.  Chaos had to eliminate all who could do her harm.  

Neptune, with her ability to see the truth of things hidden, was her number one target.  So 

unexpected was the attack, none had time to come to her aid.  Her warning reached us, 

then she was gone.

            Uranus was beyond devastated.  She locked herself in her room for days, neither 

eating nor, I suppose, sleeping.  When she emerged, it was as a pale shade of the warrior 

princess she once was.  During the brief respites between fighting, she haunted the 

corridors of whatever planet's palace she happened to be at like a living ghost.  She spoke 

to no one, and ate only the bare minimum required to keep up her strength.  I never saw 

her sleep anymore.  When a battle started, she was always there, always in the thick of it.  

She killed more of Chaos' servitors than the rest of us combined.  All the rage and 

implacable hatred she'd harbored since Neptune's death she put into her fighting.  'Killing 

machine' didn't even begin to come close.  

            None of the rest of us could reach her.  Not even I, whether I begged, threatened, 

or ordered.  She would just stare through me as I spoke, then return to her silent pacing.  

The one time Mars attempted to stop Uranus from killing a prisoner, who might have had 

valuable information, was the last time any of us tried to interfere.  Uranus turned on 

Mars, and for a second we thought she would strike down her fellow Senshi then and 

there.  She quivered with repressed tension, then seemed to get a hold of herself.  She 

gave Mars a stare I will never forget nor fully understand, then turned back to the 

prisoner and ended it with her Space Sword.

            Uranus' death came sooner than it should have.  I'm not sure Chaos would have 

gone after her next if the ferocity with which she fought had been any less than it was.  I 

think Uranus was glad to join Neptune.  That had been her goal all along; to die quickly 

so she wouldn't have to live without her love.

            Though the first of us were lost relatively early, the war stretched on for several 

years before Chaos struck again.  She appeared content to batter her forces against ours, 

as if she fed off the conflict.  Whenever a Senshi was killed, Chaos herself came for her, 

on her home planet, as if to say 'You can't stop me.  I take what I want, when I want.'

            Mercury was the next to fall.  I believe she was close to a breakthrough.  When 

the war started, she bent all her knowledge and intelligence to discovering a way to defeat 

Chaos.  The day before . . . before it happened, she sent me a cryptic message, saying 

only that she believed 'the answer was in the past.'  I didn't understand then.  I do now.

            When we arrived at the palace on Mercury, it had been completely destroyed.  

There was nothing left of it.  Not a wall, not a stone.  Just scorch marks, and a crater so 

big across, a person standing on the edge could not see to the other side.  Chaos made 

sure none would be able to discover what Mercury had, at least not by the same methods.

            Several weeks following the loss of Mercury, Chaos went after Pluto for, I 

believe, the same reason.  The knowledge she carried of Time, as its Guardian, was too 

dangerous to Chaos.  The light from the battle could be seen on Earth at midday.  Those 

of us left tried to help, were desperate not to lose anyone else, but Pluto had shut us out.  

She made it plain that this was her fight.  When it was over, Pluto was gone, and her 

planet was a dark, lifeless place once more.

            One by one, on our home ground, we were being taken.  Chaos appeared as strong 

as ever, while we grew increasingly weak.  The hits for our side were piling up, and it 

didn't look to stop anytime soon.  Pluto was not the last. 

            We fought delaying tactics at best, but we knew that's all they were.  The Senshi 

that were left, Mars, Venus, Jupiter, Saturn, all battled on their own, each trying to save 

their world.  The royal family banded together to rally the Earth.  Neo-Queen Serenity 

used the Ginzuishou to purify those touched by Chaos, and King Endymion did the same 

with his Golden Crystal.  When the Neo-Queen collapsed from exhaustion, the Princess 

Lady Serenity would take over.  Slowly, ever so painfully slowly, the royal family was 

taking back Earth.

            But the little ground gained was lost with the death of the princess of Mars.  Her 

psychic abilities were strong, had grown tremendously since Neptune had died, and Mars 

was now more powerful in that area than any living.  She must have sensed something, or 

had a vision.  I can only guess because her end came swifter than Neptune's did.  One 

minute her presence was burning bonfire bright in the Darkness, the next, we, all of us, 

heard her whisper, 'Sayonara, my friends,' and her essence winked out of existence.

            The death of Crystal Millennium happened quickly after that.  Four planets left 

out of nine, no matter how powerful, could not hold out against those odds for long.

            Mars' death was the last straw for Jupiter.  The thin wall that been holding her 

back shattered, and Jupiter attacked Chaos.  She didn't wait for Chaos to come to her, but 

sought out Chaos' power center on her own planet.  She, by herself, decimated the ranks 

of Chaos' minions, until all that was left was Chaos herself.  Whereas Uranus' was cold 

and hard, Jupiter's rage burned bright and flash-fire hot.  It could not be quelled, except 

with her death.  It was a price she willingly paid to inflict what damage she could; to 

avenge the deaths' of her friends in even a small way.

            She did it alone, defiant and courageous to the last.  The rest of us had our hands 

full holding the portions of our planets we had liberated from Chaos.  Our people needed 

protecting as much as Jupiter needed to assuage her burning for vengeance.  The earliest 

knowledge we had of her kamikaze mission was when refugees from the planet Jupiter 

began to trickle into Earth, the last planet considered truly *safe*, thanks to the tireless 

efforts of the royal family.  Jupiter had sent her remaining people away in preparation for 

her epic, one-woman stand.  I do not know if, when Jupiter finally fell, she was aware of 

the damage she inflicted on Chaos.  Because damage Chaos she did.  None of us could 

figure out how she had done it, and all our attempts to duplicate Jupiter's success were 

met with failure bordering on disaster.

              Only now, hundreds of years later, do I realize what Jupiter discovered at the 

last.  What I had to go back into the past to be reminded of.

            We gained the upper hand for several more years.  Chaos was the one weakened 

this time, and so could not supply her servants with as much power as she had previously.  

On Earth, Venus, and Saturn, our forces were pushing Chaos' back on all fronts.  For a 

time, it seemed we would triumph after all.  We must have let our guard slip in the face 

of our growing confidence, because Chaos came rushing back in at full strength.  

Obviously, Jupiter's sacrifice hadn't been enough.

            Saturn had had plenty of time to formulate a plan for dealing with Chaos when 

she came for her.  It was a simple enough plan, direct, easy to enact.  For her, anyway.  It 

was her ultimate power, after all.  The purpose she had originally been born for.  When it 

was Saturn's turn, she let Chaos in, thinking to never let her out again.  When Saturn 

went, she took her planet with her.  Her hope was that Chaos would be destroyed along 

with her beloved planet; in her eyes, nothing could be too much to give up if it stopped 

Chaos forever.         

            It didn't work.  The shockwave rocked the Solar System.  After it passed, Saturn, 

the Senshi and the planet, were gone, and Chaos was not.  There wasn't even a speck of 

space dust to show that a planet by the name of Saturn had ever existed.  Now we were 

down to two.

            Knowing what I do now, I don't understand why Chaos left Venus for last.  

Perhaps she feared my dearest friend, and did not wish to confront her too quickly.  But 

confront her she did.  Chaos' attack on Venus was more violent and hate-filled than any 

other during our long, long war.  The details of that awesome battle, and the fate of 

Venus herself, are too horrific for me to tell here.  I will only say that the Senshi of Love 

and Beauty gave as good as she got.  Even in my grief, I was fiercely proud of her.

            At last, after hundreds of years of bloodshed, Earth stood alone.  Though we had 

close to two centuries without the threat of Chaos (Venus battered her worse than Uranus 

and Jupiter together could have dreamed), we were no closer to discovering how to defeat 

her.

            Here I must confess that my grief at the loss of the last of my Senshi, my life's 

friends, was so great that I did not much care what was happening in what, to me, had 

become a hopeless, endless war.  The burden of defense, then, fell to King Endymion and 

Princess Lady Serenity.  And not only defense, but offense, keeping the refugees fed and 

housed in relative safety, planning new strategies, and searching, in vain, for the key that 

would put Chaos back where she belonged.  All aspects of the war, in fact, I abandoned 

to others.  I was no better than Uranus had been in her last days, a pale, ghostly figure 

flitting through the corridors of the Crystal Palace on silent feet, neither speaking nor 

sleeping.  But where Uranus had rage, I had only a curious emptiness.  Nothing had 

meaning to me anymore.  I suppose I was in shock, but it was a shock that lasted near two 

hundred years.

            By now I must have slipped up enough for my previous incarnation to be guessed 

at.  Yes.  I, Sailor Cosmos, had been Neo-Queen Serenity.  I say had been, for I am her no 

longer.  Neo-Queen Serenity was a creature born of peace to rule a time of peace.  When 

she came into being, all the abilities she had as Sailor Moon were redirected towards 

maintaining that peace.  The Senshi took on all the burdens of fighting, should the need 

arise.  Her daughter, Usagi Small Lady Serenity, a.k.a. Princess Lady Serenity, was also 

trained in her Senshi abilities.  She, and her guardians, the Asteroid Senshi (who Chaos 

defeated long before we of the Solar System suspected anything was wrong) were 

sufficiently able to pick up where Sailor Moon had left off.

            How Sailor Cosmos was born, and why, is part of my story, possibly the most 

important part, discounting the end.  I will be coming to it shortly.

            The centuries passed while we planned and fought and searched.  When it came, 

the siege was both not as bad as and worse than expected.  Chaos' powers had grown and 

with them, her control over our people.  She was able to subvert more people than ever.  

Those loyal just yesterday were discovered committing atrocities inside our shields in the 

name of Chaos.  We lost more ground in one day than had been gained in the previous 

two centuries.

            The enemy was dashing itself to pieces against the shields of the palace in Crystal 

Tokyo before I could be snapped out of my depression.  Princess Lady Serenity had 

collapsed from the power drain of using the Silver Crystal, and Endymion was having 

trouble holding off the attackers alone.  There was no one to heal the invaders.  

Somehow, Endymion managed to temporarily connect his Golden Crystal to the shields, 

so that every one of Chaos' servitors that came into contact with them was automatically 

purified.  This bought him enough time to find me and remind me of my duty.  I will not 

speak of what words passed between us.  It was a personal matter, and not important to 

the war with Chaos, save that it served to propel me back into battle with renewed 

determination and a fighting spirit.

            The battle raged for days.  Neither side gained an advantage.  They took, we took 

it back.  We took, they took something else.  No one gave.  Both sides understood that 

there would be no quarter.  Too much had happened for us to be merciful to those who 

willingly served Chaos.  Those purified were either rescued or turned on by their former 

comrades before we could reach them.  And Chaos' goal was no less than domination 

over the Universe entire.  She did not care about, did not notice, the lives she expended in 

her war for conquest.

            And then, my love, the core of my strength, my heart, my soul, gave up his life in 

an attempt to save our people from themselves.

            He may not have shown it often, but my Endymion was a very caring and gentle 

person.  The war that was ripping his planet and people apart was tearing at him as well.  

Every day that went by when another of his people suffered and died, whether it was one 

of ours or one who had been subverted by Chaos, was another piece torn out of his heart.  

For those who chose to serve Chaos, he had only sorrow, for there was no way to save 

them.

            The battle had reached peak intensity.  I had collapsed after another round of 

purification and was barely conscious.  Princess Lady Serenity had not yet recovered 

from her last bout with the Silver Crystal and Endymion alone was left to stem the flow.

            I know his heart as well as my own, and felt his pain as he struggled to save those 

he was sworn to protect.  His frustration mounted as he saw that it wasn't enough, that 

whatever he did, whatever he tried, was undone by Chaos.  My love's genius was equal to 

Mercury's, and I could feel the plan forming, coming together piece by piece in his heart.  

I tried to cry out a protest, but was too weak.  In his heart, though, he heard me.  

Sorrowful but determined, he came to me.  Kissing me one last time, he apologized and 

explained all in that single brushing of lips.  

            'The cost is already too high!' I screamed in my heart.  'Please, not you too!'

            'That is why I must do this,' was his reply.  'This abomination cannot be allowed 

to continue.  I won't permit any more loss of life.  Always remember I love you,' he 

whispered, and was gone.

            Endymion's plan was this: reconnect his Golden Crystal to the shields, but this 

time, instead of turning those stationary shields into one fixed, immobile purifier, 

Endymion would use the charge from the shields to power a sweep of the surrounding 

area.  Instead of healing people a few at a time, this tactic would purify everyone within a 

certain distance.  I couldn't be sure how far a distance until Endymion had gone and done 

it.  Only the strength of his will would determine a limit.  And he would exercise his will 

as far as it would go.  I knew he would pour more and more energy into his attempt until 

the entire planet was healed or . . .

            'NOOOO!'  He could not have mistaken the anguish in my cry for anything other 

than what it was.  I struggled up from where I lay, rushing through the palace as fast as I 

possibly could, with the wall as support.  Where I found that desperate burst of strength, I 

still do not know.  But it wasn't enough.  I was in a long corridor high in the palace, one 

with huge windows that overlooked the city, when he began.  A golden flash lit the 

corridor, obscuring my vision.  Squinting my eyes nearly shut, I was able to see that the 

sheen came from the normally semi-transparent shields surrounding the Crystal Palace.  

Slowly at first, but gaining speed as it went, a golden wall separated from the shield, 

leaving it clear and intact.  The field of gold raced out across Crystal Tokyo in all 

directions, a single, unbroken circle.  There was no hiding from it, no running from it.  It 

reached the city's limits and kept going, showing no signs of flagging, let alone stopping. 

            I remember being awed and humbled at the same time.  Awed in the face of the 

power my love possessed, but so rarely chose to exercise I like as not forgot he was a 

match for me in *all* ways; humbled that he could actually pull something of this scope 

and magnitude off without me.

            I don't know how long I stood and marveled at that golden light as my eyes 

followed it to the horizon and beyond.  What jerked me back to reality was the thread 

wound about my heart.  The other end of that thread was attached to Endymion's heart, 

and the feeling I was receiving along that thread was of a strong heartbeat growing 

steadily weaker.  I uttered a hoarse cry and my staggering progress resumed.

            I found him, still clutching the Golden Crystal, sprawled on the top floor of the 

highest tower in the palace, in the room from where we used gaze out at the entire city 

during the peaceful times at night, the lights of which sometimes outshone the sun.  So 

long was the stillness between heartbeats, I was sure I was too late.  Then I felt a faint, 

oh-so-terribly-faint, tug at that thread that had bound us together through three lifetimes.  

He was still alive.  Barely.  Sliding down next to him, I gently placed his head in my lap 

and took hold of one limp hand.  He was cold, so cold, as if death's chill had claimed him 

already.  Though unaware of it, I was weeping silently, the tears dripping from my face to 

splash down onto his.  Sometimes I wonder if this tangible evidence of my misery 

brought him back to me for a final goodbye.  When one has had a life as long as mine, 

there are a lot of things to think back on and wonder about.  My last moments with 

Endymion are one of my more prevalent musings.

            He reached up with the hand I was not gripping and tenderly drew his fingertips 

down my cheek, tracing the path my tears had taken.  Brushing them gently across my 

lips, he breathed, "Don't cry.  My Serenity, my light.  You are so strong.  My faith in you 

will forever be unshakable."  Here he managed a smile.  "You will prevail.  As long as 

you live, there is hope for the future.  You are my heart."

            "Endymion, how can I go on without you?!"  Sobbing in earnest now, I clutched 

at him as if to will my strength into his weakened body.

            "You will triumph, as you have before," he assured me in that breathy whisper.  I 

had to strain to hear his next words.  "I will wait for you, I promise."

            That was the last thing he ever said to me.  Our daughter found us there after she 

awoke and felt the absence of her father's presence.  My grief was insurmountable.  Not 

even the loss of my Senshi had hurt me so terribly as this.  We sat and cried for hours, not 

caring to notice that Endymion had accomplished that to which he had given his life.  For 

the first time in centuries, Earth was completely free of Chaos.

            The Chaos Wars did not end there.  Of course not.  How could they?  I would not 

be here had that been the end of it.  Chaos was in no way safely locked away, nor were 

the planets where life remained liberated from the taint of Chaos they bore.

            I was inconsolable.  It was worse than before, a million times worse.  I couldn't 

bear to be around that which reminded me of Endymion, yet I would not part with 

anything that had been his.  I broke down weeping at the mention of his name, even 

though it was spoken only in passing and not to me.  I could barely function as a human 

being, let alone orchestrate the next major step in an ongoing war.  Though I know she 

was hurting as much as I, my daughter shoved her grief aside and took control.  Looking 

back, even now, I can't help the pride I feel at how well she handled everything, and the 

guilt that she shouldn't have had to.

            It was a full three months later that I finally managed a tenuous grip upon my 

sanity.  Yes, for a time, I thought I would not be able to cope any longer, with things the 

way they were.  Three months may seem short in the scheme of my life, but do not be 

fooled.  The only reason I fought my way back from the abyss was Endymion.  We are 

bound by ties not even death can sever.  I believed his final words, that we would, one 

day, be together again.  I vowed to move Heaven and Earth to make it so.  First, though, 

there was Chaos to deal with, and my promise to Endymion to fulfill.  I would see our 

kingdom whole and our people free no matter the cost.  Princess Lady Serenity would be 

secure on the throne before I left to be reunited with my Endymion.  I had thought I had 

lost everything that was possible to lose and still live; that there was nothing left to take 

from me.  Once more, I was mistaken.

            Princess Lady Serenity, in those three months, had proved herself a brilliant 

leader, and under her father's tutelage, had mastered all the technicalities of warfare.  She 

finally put this learning to use.  Thanks to Endymion's Sacrifice, as it came to be called, 

the people of Earth were protected against Chaos, so Lady Serenity took the offensive, 

and started to reclaim the other planets, one by one.  She was well on her way to winning 

back the closest, Mars, by the time I was sensible enough to be of any assistance.  With 

both of us working in tandem on the recovery of Mars, I with the Ginzuishou, she with 

her father's Golden Crystal (which she, though having no prior knowledge of the use of it, 

nevertheless employed its power beautifully), and Chaos' forces weakened with the loss 

of their power base on Earth, we actually accomplished the liberation of Mars within half 

a year.  We never suspected this was what Chaos wanted.

            Our victory was unexpected, and the joy of it overwhelming.  Many were the 

reunions, but more were the losses.  The fight had stretched on a long, long time.  Too 

long for everyone.  That one triumph had restored hope to the people.  The proof that, 

'Yes!  It could be done!  Chaos *can* be defeated!' was desperately welcomed and 

celebrated by all the forces of Light.

            During the breather we took to prepare for the next major assault (it was to have 

been Venus), Lady Serenity and I recovered from what had been, for us, a torturous 

campaign.  The line we walked using the crystals was very fine, and we had to be careful 

not to pour too much of our life's energy into the healing.  We had to know when to stop, 

or suffer the consequences.  All too often, my yearning to help threatened to outweigh my 

will to live.  I longed to be able to trade my life, as Endymion had, for those of my people 

under Chaos' influence.  But I knew, unless I was guaranteed I'd be able to take Chaos 

with me, I would not do so.  I refused to allow my daughter to continue the fight alone.  It 

was all or nothing for me.

            So we went through night after sleepless night coming up with strategies to 

reclaim the other planets.  It meant a longer war, but, we hoped, ultimate victory.  Some 

plans we discarded, others we kept.  Every once in a long while, there was one that we 

thought would work.  These we started on immediately, for several would take years to 

fully plan and implement to their complete specifications.

            The day after one of these nightly sessions was my last as Neo-Queen Serenity.  

Lady Serenity and I had parted to attend to separate matters concerning one such plan, 

when I heard her cry in my mind and felt a sharp flare of pain pierce my back.  Knowing 

I was experiencing my daughter's feelings, I ran breathlessly through the palace, my 

terror for her outpacing my feet.  Bursting into her rooms, I was brought up short, a 

scream of horror lodged in my throat.

            Princess Lady Serenity was crumpled on the floor, much as her father had been, 

but with one devastating difference.  She lay facedown in a fast-spreading pool of her 

own blood.  Over her stood her assassin, knife stained a shockingly dark red in hand.  All 

these years later I still wake up in a cold sweat from the look I saw upon his face that day.  

When he raised his eyes from my daughter's body to fix his gaze on me, he grinned 

horribly, maniacally.  The weird light of the fanatic burned deep in his eyes.  I knew this 

was one who served Chaos of his own free will.  He started towards me, obviously intent 

on completing his mission, but I raised the Silver Crystal (which I kept with me even 

when I slept) and he was dust before his second step.

            Chaos had accomplished the impossible.  Never in the whole of the war had our 

shields been breached by any from the outside.  Chaos had been able to reach in to touch 

people on the inside before Endymion's Sacrifice, but she had not once succeeded in 

breaking through by force *or* stealth.  I saw now what I should have in the beginning of 

the campaign.  Chaos *gave* Mars to us.  What was one planet compared to domination 

of the Universe?  Keeping control of all the planets was a drain on Chaos' power.  She 

unloaded a planet knowing she could retake it any time she wanted; none of the other 

planets had the protection Endymion's Sacrifice had granted Earth, and one planet could 

not hold all the people of the Solar System, no matter how many had been lost.

            Chaos took the extra power and used it to slip a lone assassin through our shields 

to murder my daughter and me.  Then there would be none left who could stand against 

the Chaos Cults.

            Chaos miscalculated on one score.  She did not, could not, know of or understand 

the bonds between my daughter and I.  As the last protectors of the Solar System, those 

bonds had only been strengthened.  The assassin knew enough to catch Lady Serenity by 

surprise, otherwise she would have dusted him before he could have gotten within ten 

feet of her.  His plan must have been to kill one of us, hide her body, then find the other 

and do the same.  He had not known that an attack would alert the other through those 

bonds.

            I don't even remember whether I walked to my daughter's side in a state of 

numbed shock or ran with frantic hope that she was still alive.  The moments between the 

doorway to her side are non-existent in my memory.  The next I knew, I was kneeling 

beside her, unheeding of the blood that instantly soaked my gown.  My beloved daughter 

had been stabbed in the back; the assassin had aimed for and pierced her heart.  To make 

sure, or just to be cruel, he had dragged the knife blade down her back, ripping through 

cloth and flesh.  He had been especially brutal, and I knew my daughter's glassy eyes 

would never look upon her mother's face again.

            My wailing was from the depths of my soul, and I gathered my fallen child to my 

breast.  Cradling and rocking her, whether to comfort my unfeeling daughter or myself, 

I'm still not sure, I stroked her hair with hands sticky from blood.  My tears blinded me, 

so I did not see at first the glow that entered the room.

            Softly glowing spheres of light, each a different color, drifted at eye level across 

the floor, appearing, it seemed, from the very walls themselves.  They formed a loose 

ring about myself and Lady Serenity.  I did not notice this until the glow intensified to 

match the light that was now emanating from Lady Serenity's body.  A gentle pink light 

covered her from head to toe, and she began to sparkle, her outline beginning to grow 

faint as the substance that made up her body became those glittering pink sparkles.  They 

appeared to converge over her heart, then they spiraled upwards, forming another of 

those spheres of light.  Even the blood staining the floor was sparkling and being drawn 

into the sphere.

            I didn't understand what was happening and tried to prevent it, not wanting all that 

I had left to be taken from me.  Was I to be denied even her body to mourn?  Was it not 

enough that I couldn't protect her, couldn't even say goodbye?  I gripped my daughter in a 

death hold, crying as my arms slipped through her to enfold only myself.  The barely 

visible outline that was left of Lady Serenity's form broke apart and swirled into the 

sphere of pink light the rest of my daughter had become.

            The ten globes of light, for there were ten in all counting my daughter, I saw as I 

scrambled to my feet to reach for the glittering pink one, hung in a perfect circle about 

me.  As I cradled the pink one between my hands (easily done since each sphere was no 

larger than a newborn kitten), my eyes widened in shock as I surveyed the lights one by 

one and realized what – and who – they must be.

            Aqua for Neptune, navy for Uranus, blue for Mercury, black for Pluto, red for 

Mars, green for Jupiter, violet for Saturn, yellow for Venus, gold for Endymion, pink for 

my daughter.

            Fresh tears filled my eyes and overflowed.  These lights were my friends, all their 

power and strength and soul were wrapped up in these spheres hovering around me.  I 

held my daughter's soul in my cupped hands.  I did not know it yet, but the birth of 

Cosmos was upon me.

            Suddenly the lights rushed me.  I flinched back, not knowing what to expect, but 

they only swirled around me at a furious rate, almost – but not quite – touching me.  They 

seemed to be waiting for – what?  For me?  For me to do something?  I wasn't sure.  Then 

a picture blossomed in my mind, sent from I don't know whom.  I stood, holding my 

daughter's soul aloft as I would the Ginzuishou, and the other lights struck me.  A flash of 

brilliant white light ensued and – the vision ended.  I now knew what was wanted of me; 

I just didn't know *why*.

            I stared, confused and apprehensive for a few moments before I heard the 

whispering.  As they darted and whisked about me, the souls of my friends, my family, 

were calling my name.

            'Serenity!' laughed Venus' sphere.

            'Serenity-sama,' came Mercury's warm and respectful voice.

            'Serenity!'  'Serenity.'  'Serenity!'  From Mars, Saturn, and Jupiter, each in their 

turn commanding and caring, grave yet friendly, encouraging and strong.

            'Serenity,' Uranus' assured tones, then, 'Serenity,' in Neptune's long unheard giggle.

            'Serenity-sama,' Pluto's confident whisper.

            'Serenity.'  Endymion's deep voice brought an ache to my heart.

            'Mama!'  My little girl's voice sounded so light and happy, none would have 

pictured her as a bloody, broken wreck only a short while ago.

            "Minna," I whispered haltingly in response.  They all laughed joyfully and 

whizzed by me some more; even Lady Serenity's globe in my hands jumped a bit at the 

sound of my voice.

            "Hai."  I had come to a decision.  I closed my eyes and raised my daughter's soul 

to the Heavens.  "So be it."  Words entered my mind and I cried them out with all the 

passion and grief I had been harboring for the last several millennia.  'LAMBDA 

POWER!'  They were the last words I spoke as Neo-Queen Serenity.

            Though I didn't see them come at me, I felt it when the lights hit me.  No pain, 

just a warmth so great it put the sun at its strongest to shame.  I know I gasped in surprise, 

then the blinding white light from my vision seared through my closed eyes.  When it 

faded, I stood transformed for the last time, not only in dress and body, but in mind as 

well.  From then on I was Sailor Cosmos, Hope of All Worlds, Savior of the Universe, 

and there was no going back.

            Allow me to apologize for my emotional retelling of the events that led to the 

deaths of my husband and daughter.  I tried to be objective; an accurate record of the 

Chaos Wars needs to exist in case . . . well, just in case.  But it is all too easy for me to 

slip into the past and relive those terrible moments again and again.  Sometimes I forget 

that it *is* the past.  Noting my past tragedies in the present tense, speaking as though 

they were occurring *right now*, only illustrates how much of myself dwells there still.  

In actuality, as I take down this account, hundreds of years have passed since the moment 

of my rebirth as Cosmos.  Nine hundred and sixty-seven years, I believe, is close to the 

mark.  That is how long I have been battling Chaos on my own.  That is how long I have 

been alone.  Since memories are all that remain of my companions, pray forgive my 

occasional lapse into the past.  It needn't be understood; indeed, I pray none will ever 

come to understand what I have gone through, for that is what I fight to prevent; but all I 

say here is vitally important for reasons which will soon become clear.

            The power I possess as Sailor Cosmos is greater than any in the Universe.  After 

all, that was the gift of my Senshi, was it not?  Their strength, their power, was granted to 

me in order to defeat Chaos.  Or, was it?  The stripes of color on my fuku's skirt represent 

each of my Senshi, from Mercury to my daughter.  Endymion doesn't have a stripe, true, 

but his sphere, the Golden Crystal, merged with my Silver Crystal to create the staff I 

now carry as Sailor Cosmos.  The greatest power in the Universe, yet in all these years I 

have not been able to defeat Chaos.  And that, my friends, is the purpose of this record.  I 

forgot.  I lost the one thing that let me triumph over every enemy I have ever faced.  The 

one thing that allowed me, as Eternal Sailor Moon, to defeat Chaos the first time we met.  

This account is to ensure that I will never forget again.

            As Sailor Cosmos, I did what I was unable to accomplish as Neo-Queen Serenity.  

I fought and I won.  I cleared every planet in the Solar System of even the faintest trace 

of Chaos.  Venus, Mercury, Jupiter, Uranus, Neptune, Pluto – all purified within three 

hundred years.  I make it sound easy.  It wasn't.  I didn't just heal the planets, I gave to 

them and Mars what Endymion's Sacrifice had given to Earth – protection from ever 

being corrupted by Chaos again.  To my sorrow, there was nothing I could do for Saturn.  

Had my Senshi's desire to halt Chaos not been so all-consuming, if there had been even a 

single piece of the planet left to work with, I might have been able to restore the sixth 

planet.  But, alas, that can not be.  Not through me.  Not directly.  Only if Creation were 

to end and be reborn would Saturn exist again.  Or, if a sacrifice of equal passion and 

power were to be made, then perhaps . . . I cannot say for certain.  It is what I hope for, 

though.

            After the Solar System was free for the first time in . . . I don't remember how 

many millennia (can it be so long?), I drew Chaos away with me, to leave the planets to 

rebuild in a semblance of their lost peace.  As for Chaos and I, we fought.  Near seven 

hundred years of never ending conflict, pouring all our strength and power into every 

confrontation.  I blocked Chaos off from my Solar System and the rest of the populated 

Universe.  She would try to break past me and I would deny her.  That was my new 

purpose in life.  But I grew tired, weary from the constant struggle.  The longer we 

fought, the more tired I became.  Chaos and I were at a standstill.  I didn't know what was 

right or what I was fighting for anymore.  With my fading resolve came fear.  I was 

convinced I was no match for Chaos.  How could *I* *ALONE*, possibly even dream of 

victory over Chaos – a personification of one side of the natural order of the Universe?  

Why had I been chosen to do the seemingly impossible?  I knew I would fail, positive I 

would let down all those who had put their faith in me, time and again, so long ago.  Even 

if, by some miracle, Chaos should be defeated, nothing could compensate for the damage 

we had already taken.  I couldn't overlook that.   So, I did the only thing I could: I ran.  I 

ran away through time, my fear chasing me with razor sharp claws, ready to hook into me 

and drag me back to face my destiny.

            Each time I'd felt lost, wondered 'What should I do?', or was suffering, I'd 

remember the battle at the Galaxy Cauldron, where all the stars of the Universe are born, 

including Chaos, and where they finally return.  'If the Cauldron had been destroyed that 

time,' I'd think, 'would all the battles and the suffering never have happened?'  So often 

did I regret not destroying Chaos that time, I decided to go back to 'start over'.  To do it 

right this time.

            Away through time I went, changing my form as I did so – a disguise so Chaos 

would not recognize me should she catch me.  Where I ended up, when I finally tumbled 

from the Time Portal, is common knowledge.  1997, Tokyo, Japan.  Before the Chaos 

Wars, before Crystal Tokyo, even.  Before everything that was foreordained had come to 

pass.  And I grabbed at my chance.  I would help Eternal Sailor Moon defeat Chaos 

*now*, and the future I had run from would be averted.  My 'here' self was lonely for so 

long, and always suffering.  So I stood beside her, supporting her, intending to make her 

choose the right path this time . . .

            What happened from then on is a cornerstone of history.  I recalled that the first 

time I had faced Chaos, it took Endymion – then Chiba Mamoru – first, and then it 

claimed the Senshi, each one of them right before my eyes.  It hurt to watch it all happen 

again and not prevent it; it hurt to watch their Sailor Crystals be distorted by Galaxia.  

But I had to be careful not to disrupt the time line too much.  I couldn't be the one to stop 

Chaos.  It had to be Eternal Sailor Moon.  And she did.  But, it was just like before – with 

one Earth-shattering difference.  Though as alone in the end as I, Eternal Sailor Moon 

never lost her capacity for love.  She kept tight hold of the love that had seen her through 

two lifetimes and would see her through two more.  Through her deathless love was 

Eternal Sailor Moon able to quell the raging storm that was Chaos.  Through her love for 

her Senshi were they all restored to life, to go on to bring Crystal Tokyo and a peace 

unparalleled into being.  Through her love was I reminded of what I had allowed myself, 

in my fear, in my pain, to forget.  For as Chaos represents the Dark, so does Love 

represent the Light.  I, Sailor Cosmos, am the manifestation of Ultimate Love.  I am the 

Ultimate Soldier of the Light.

            Eternal Sailor Moon made me understand . . . she *hadn't* chosen the wrong path.  

No one can destroy the birth place of the stars.  It is because of the Cauldron that we can 

go on living.  We are reborn again and again, as Chaos was reborn.  The final courage 

and love of Eternal Sailor Moon that allowed her to leave everything behind and to 

accept Chaos, the source of all Darkness, into herself, will surely never be matched 

throughout all eternity.  What I witnessed there reminded me that I had forgotten that 

unbeatable power.  Eternal Sailor Moon is Sailor Cosmos' true form.  When I have the 

courage to leave everything I've ever known behind, to give it all up, and to take it all 

into myself like Eternal Sailor Moon did, that is when I will become the true Sailor 

Cosmos.  

            I have returned, full of the simple knowledge that Love *will* conquer all.  It has 

been too long since I last thought of those I love.  Too painful, too many sad endings.  I 

forgot that the good outweighs the bad.  So many things I allowed myself to forget, all 

because it hurt too much.  As I think on them now, I do not cry.  I smile.  I smile and I 

vow not to run away anymore.  I will move forward!  For I realize now that the true gift 

of my Senshi was their love.  The love of the Senshi, the love I didn't know I still held in 

my heart, was what brought me into being.  I think our love is far older than can be 

imagined.  It may even have been what created the Galaxy Cauldron itself.  Who am I to 

know for sure?  What I do know is, even should I die, I am happy.  My friends, in truth, 

my family, will be waiting for me.  I am one with them all, as they are one with me.  It 

will be good to be whole again.

            My one last, lingering fear is that I will be unsuccessful.  Should I fail, this record 

of the Chaos Wars and the secret to defeating Chaos must survive.  As I am the 

manifestation of Eternal Love in this life, so will come another, should I fall.  I wish this 

other not to repeat my mistakes, to never forget her ultimate power – the power of her 

love.

            I am content.  As I soar on destiny's wings, I bid farewell to my beloved Earth, to 

the Solar System I protected for so long, and to all who might ever come in contact with 

this account.  If it is not needed, and a record of events is all it will ever be, then I weep 

in joy.  If it is ever more than that, then I weep in sorrow.  But, whatever might occur, I 

will never again weep for love lost.  For love is never truly lost.  It is only forgotten, and 

love – abiding, eternal love – cannot be forgotten forever.

                                                                                 Record of the Chaos Wars:

                                                                                  A First-Hand Account by

                                                                                                   Sailor Cosmos,

                                                                                                        formerly,

                                                                                              Neo-Queen Serenity,

                                                                 Sovereign and Protector of Crystal Millennium

"We live by admiration, hope, and love."

                             - William Woodsworth

"When you get to the end of all the light you know and

it's time to step into the darkness of the unknown, faith

is knowing that one of two things shall happen: either you

will be given something solid to stand on, or you will be

taught how to fly."

                                    - Edward Teller 

Interesting trivia:

I'd wondered about Sailor Cosmos for the longest time.  Been wanting to write a fic on 

her since 11th grade, and that would make it . . . 3 years ago.  Now I've done it.  And I'm 

quite happy with the results, if I do say so myself.

I will NOT explain the whole ending of the manga to you.  There are plenty of wonderful 

translations out there that have nothing to do with Mixx/Tokyo Pop.  Go find them.

If you've ever seen any color picture of Sailor Cosmos, you should have noticed that the 

stripes on her fuku's skirt *do* correspond with the color of each Senshi.  I named the 

colors as accurately as I could.  I got them out of my Sailor Moon Illustrations Book 5.

Now, I don't know how many people know this, but Sailor Cosmos is Sailor Moon's 

ultimate form.  'Eternal' is the highest she goes in Moon form, then she becomes Neo-

Queen Serenity, and then it's Sailor Cosmos.  And what's in the fic is straight out of the 

manga.  She did get scared and run away.  A lot of what Cosmos said at the end is what 

she said to the Asteroid Senshi at the end of the manga.

That whole thing near the beginning about the order of the universe depending upon an 

eternal balance?  I lifted it straight from 'Legend', one of my favorite movies, by the way.  

Tom Cruise, Mia Sara.  Very cool.  I recommend it to anyone interested in fantasy.

OK.  The deaths of everyone 'cept Sailor Cosmos.  I know.  Seems like all but Jupiter, 

Endymion, and Lady Serenity got gypped.  Well, tough.  That's the way I wrote it, that's 

the way it's going to stay.  I even gypped my own favorite Senshi, Saturn, so don't get too 

upset at me.

Personally, I thought Endymion's Sacrifice was a stroke of genius.  You can quote me.  

Who says only Sailor Moon/ Cosmos can give up her life for her loved ones?

About Sailor Cosmos' staff being the Ginzuishou and the Golden Crystal combined – I 

made that up.  I don't know the true deal with it, the manga doesn't say, but I had to do 

*something* with the Crystals, since Endymion *doesn't* have a stripe on Cosmos' skirt, 

and Cosmos doesn't seem to have the Ginzuishou.

Well, I hope you enjoyed this.  I'm terribly proud of it, and think it's one of my best 

works ever – and just because it's the first thing I posted to this account doesn't mean it's 

my first or only.  Oh no.  There's more to come.

MaiyaV

maiyav@yahoo.com


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